My Inner Voice

I concentrate on my heart.  This is my reality.  This is my true nature.  That tiny, little, silent voice inside of me, is the real me.  It tries to prompt me and guide me.  It is my highest reality, my highest self.

I listen very quietly.  I sit in stillness and I hear what my inner voice has to say.  I focus all of my attention on it, and I listen to my heart.  I let everything else go.  This is my own internal infinite voice.  I listen with my heart and soul.  There is stillness and purity.

Welcome Back

Sorry I've been cyber silent the past few days.  I have been sick as hell.  Not true . . . that's being a bit dramatic.  I've had one of those summer colds, and I have allowed myself to spend the last two days at home, mostly in bed, guzzling down tea.  I felt it coming on this past weekend, but I was way too busy to let it out.

I'm about to hit the road for the first time since Saturday.  I am going to start with a solid 25 minute power walk.

This is my finish line photo from the MS 5K on Roosevelt Island, which was this past Saturday. I wear that "Courage" hat during ALL my races. It was the ONLY hat of mine to have survived that horrible apartment fire three and a half years ago. It is still amazing to me which possessions that fire chose to destroy, and what it left behind for us to keep. The initials of the courageous and truly giving actor, who gave it to me as a closing night gift, ironically has the initials MS.

I didn't know who Ashley Kumlien was prior to the race, but now I know both she and her mom to be two of the most courageous people in America. Ashley was a part of the relay team which ran across the country to raise money and awareness for MS. During this 5K, which signified the completion of the 3,100 miles, Ashley pushed her mom in a stroller. Her mother has lived with multiple sclerosis since 1980. 200 yards before the 5K finish line, Ashley helped her mom walk to and across the finish line.

It was a beautiful day.

Belated Shabbos Meditation

www.myjewishlearning.com/beliefs/Theology/God/About_God/Hashem.shtml

My belated Shabbos meditation stems from Arthur Greene's Radical Judaism, which I actually have not read yet.  I sampled an interpretation in the form of a Jewish meditation podcast.

Hashem is an unfolding force of life, and is constantly unfolding as the spirit of life.  My ability to constantly move and change is permanent.  I express Hashem, who leaves behind sparks in everything that exists. 

Selfie taken this past Shabbos, at 7am on the N train,  on my way to the MS 5K on Roosevelt Island.

Pure

Vishudda

Pure

I am easily made aware of my throat.  I breathe in the color pale blue.  My center of expression is open.  I am comfortable speaking my truth, and confident of the value of my voice being heard.  I envision communicating my deep wisdom with those in my life.

I am going back to school in January, and 10 weeks later I am going to be a physical trainer.

It Doesn't All Suck

It's been a rough couple of weeks.

I am involved in major direct conflict at one of my gigs.  It's entirely personal, and stems from a place of disloyalty.  And if your goal is to stress me, I wish you well.  But I will not break.

I'm simply trying to cope.  There have been some on site meltdowns.  I try to hide when I feel their approach.  It isn't easy, but I am happy that I began the study and practice of meditation when I did.

Well, my gig problems set off an artistic identity shit storm.  And the dear friend, who I would ordinarily call and discuss internal creative conflicts with, over a plate of pierogis in the East Village, passed away in February.  

I have been feeling cornered and isolated over straight up bullshit.  At the same time, no one can help me.  Only I can help me.

In the face of great stress, we often tell ourselves stories, most of which only have a speck of truth.  This is what I have been doing.



Through it all, I have gotten myself out there to RUN.  Some uncontrollable tears have fallen during my warm ups and cool downs.  I have felt some pretty intense anger towards my situation during my runs.  Yet at some point, all of these ferocious feelings are replaced with a temple to temple smile.  It seems to come out of nowhere.  I just suddenly realize hey, I'm running down Shore Road with a huge smile across my face.

Yesterday, I took a few moments to meditate just outside of one of my gigs.  When I was done, I stretched, really opened up my body.  I gazed out across the world, while I said to a co-worker sitting behind me you know . . . it doesn't all suck.

To which he responded nope, it doesn't.

A $5 Run

• I spent $5.00 today having a package redirected to the UPS Store around the corner so I could go out and run.  It would have been a second delivery attempt, but I just couldn't give up 30 minutes of 2.02 miles for a replacement cell phone, which may or may not have arrived before 3pm.  I have a 5K on Saturday, and I have built for myself a specific training schedule.  

Inhale

Lungs full

Exhale

Lungs empty.

I have the power to control my breathing, and control over my vital life force energy.  I bring more oxygen to my blood and brain.  My mind and body are pure and disciplined.  Every cell in my body benefits from my breath.  All of my organs are properly supplied with oxygen.  My lines of energy are eternal and flow freely.

Inner Knowingness

I have a clear sense of inner knowingness.  I am connected to the quiet voice of my soul.  I can see through the eye of my soul.  I release old patterns that trap me in anxiety, fear and depression.